A Whole New World
by Skyler Powers
I imagine Megan is beginning to sing the popular song from Disney's Aladdin
as she reads this title, and perhaps many of you are as well. However,
it makes me think of our relationship and our experience with courtship.
I must begin by noting that
I did not grow up with the teaching of courtship; therefore, when I
first learned of it, it seemed very strange - "a whole other world".
From the outside looking in, I didn't understand it. I heard a few
people at church camp mention it, but I never had the desire to ask
questions or learn more. Unfortunately, I fell into the trap of
thinking I was pretty wise when it came to relationships. Obviously,
that was not the case given my track record. I should have listened to
the words from Proverbs 26:12, "Do you see a man wise in his own eyes?
There is more hope for a fool than for him." Yep, that was me . . .
even though I said I wanted to follow hard after the Lord, I didn't
really seek out His thoughts on relationships until I was in college.
Thankfully, God forgives us
when we fall short. Thankfully he will transform our lives.
Thankfully, he will do a new thing! "See, I am doing a new thing! Now
it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland," Isaiah 43:19. Did you catch that? He
takes dried, crack-filled lives and restores them. He offers water that
gives life and life abundant. This is what I want to share with you
today - the abundant life he has given us!
After reading the book
"Choosing God's Best," I was determined to try a new thing! So, I
started praying that God would change my heart. I wanted Him to be in
complete control! I no longer wanted to walk into a room "scanning the
crowd" in search of a girl that could simply catch my attention based
off her looks. I wanted a God-ordained relationship. I wanted Him to
be the author, the playwright, the creator of my love story. It was at
that point that I decided to let go, and allow Him to direct my path. I
wouldn't try to show off or seek out a relationship. I would simply
wait on the Lord. "Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take
courage; Yes, wait for the LORD," Psalm 27:14 Yes, as we wait, our
perspective changes. We begin to look at things with a fresh set of
eyes. The Lord demonstrates why we can take courage. His Word says
that if we will wait for Lord, he will renew our strength. That is what
I needed . . . but I don't think it was physical strength. I needed
spiritual strength (faith) to trust in His promises! Did I really
believe he has plans for me? Did I believe the words the Lord spoke to
Jeremiah? "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future," Jeremiah 29:11. Later we go on to read that the Lord says if
we will seek Him with all our heart we will find Him. That is what I
did.
Fast forward a bit and we
come to the next chapter. My sister Dezi had mentioned at one point
(actually while I was "dating" another girl) that she had found the girl
I was going to marry. Keep in mind that Dezi and I are really close
and she is a wonderful woman of the Lord, so I knew this point had some
merit. Little did I realize that the Lord was already beginning to work
long before I was on board. Typically, I would try to have lunch at my
apartment after church on Sundays. Dezi would stop by, and we would
usually talk/hang out. One day, she asked if her friend Megan (the girl
I was supposed to marry) could come. I said yes, not thinking too much
about it.
However, from the moment
she came over, I recognized something was different. She was
different. She had a joy that can't be described. I could tell that
she was seeking the Lord too! We began to have conversations more
frequently. We would talk about the Lord, and what He was doing in our
lives. Over time, we started running into each other a little more on
campus. God was weaving our lives together. It was very interesting . .
. we weren't doing all the work, it was God. However, I wanted to make
sure I didn't take over, so I did something I would have never done
before. I asked her to read the book I just read about courtship. For
me, that was a big moment. I knew that most girls would want to be
wooed or asked on a date; instead, I asked her to read a book about how
dating prepares you for divorce. Brilliant strategy right? It went
against all of my previous strategies and natural inclinations.
Typically, I would have tried to be romantic and come up with a
masterful date, or a beautifully crafted poem. Not this time . . . not
yet.
Much to my surprise, she
said she would read it (I told you she was different!) Over the course
of the next few weeks, we kept talking and began seeing each other at
various friend's houses/apartments. It was awesome. I could observe
how she interacted with people. I could listen to her conversations
with others. I could get to know her, and I imagine she was doing the
same with me.
Once she finished the book,
I made it obvious that I was not going to show off for her, and that I
just wanted to be friends. I am pretty sure she was confused by all
this, but I had no clue what I was doing . . . I was trying my best to
follow God's lead.
We continued to hang out
week after week. My roommates/teammates started giving me a hard time.
They kept asking why I wouldn't just ask her out. Each time I would
explain that I wanted to do something different. I brought up
courtship, and the book. They would always look at me funny, and
usually say something along the lines of, "Just ask her on a date. Are
you scared or what?" Not only this, but her roommates actually thought I
was just a "player."
Every few weeks, Megan and I
would have a conversation to make sure we were on the same page. Even
though no one else understood what I was trying to do, I wanted Megan to
know my intentions. Obviously I could see potential for more, but I
kept bringing up that we were just friends. This was frustrating for
her at times, and awkward for me. I had never done this before, and
there really wasn't a title to describe it. We had been hanging out and
talking for several months. Although, we weren't doing the things I
would have done before, which would have messed it up. We didn't hold
hands or add any physical benefits to the relationship. We didn't say I
love you with false pretenses. We were simply focused on getting to
know each other - it was beautiful.
Naturally, the more we hung
out, the more we recognized that our friendship was beginning to take on
a new look. Neither of us knew exactly what to do next. We had become
best friends, but that friendship was beginning to be set on fire! We
had A LOT of conversations about it, and started to admit that we were a
little more than friends. At this point we started going to friends
together, and having even deeper conversations our lives and our Lord!
We still never went on a date alone. This was a huge change from
previous relationships. There is no doubt in my mind that this helped
to minimize the temptation to "mess around."
Finally, after several
months of being "just friends" we decided that it was time for another
talk. I was about to graduate and we knew that God was doing something
special. I knew that Megan was a woman of Godly character and I did not
want to spend the rest of my life without her! Therefore, I asked if
she would like to come for a visit to my parents house the week after I
graduated. Thankfully she agreed. It was at that point, when she came
down, that I finally got to do something special. I penned a poem, came
up with a special date night, and asked Megan if I could officially
court her - knowing that I had every intention of marrying her! Of
course our courtship looked very different. First of all, we still
didn't really know what we were doing, or what courtship was to look
like at this phase. We had each been in relationships before. I had
graduated college and Megan was a senior so our parents wouldn't be our
chaperons. Plus, neither of our parents had went through courtship.
Nevertheless, despite all our mistakes, we were starting a new legacy.
Our relationship has and
will forever be a testimony to God's faithfulness. I will continue to
look upon it as a continual reminder of the abundant life. There is no
possible way that I could have ever won the heart of such an amazing
woman without God ordaining it! I wonder what it would look like if we
allowed God to do a new thing in all areas of our life? Perhaps we
would truly experience a whole new world!
Better Than Any Fairytale
by Megan Powers
Remember that awful story I shared with you about my dating experience?
Well, I specifically remember one of those high school boyfriends
telling me, "You are just waiting for a fairytale that is never going to
happen! . . . No guy is going to wait for you, so why would you wait
for him?" At the time, I somewhat believed him, I didn't know if there
was a guy out there who would "wait" for me. However, I knew that I
wanted to wait for him. I didn't need a fairytale, but I had hopes for a
passionate marriage and a loving husband. God blessed me with more
than I could ever think or imagine!"Now all glory to God, who is
able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish
infinitely more than we might ask or think." ~ Ephesians 3:20
So here is my version of Skyler and I's love/courtship story. I like this story, so excuse me while I write quite a lengthy post full of fun details!:
I first met Skyler in the computer lab at SBU, he came up and asked me if I was his sister's friend who twirled baton. This was a short conversation, but I gotta be honest . . . I went back and looked him up on the SBU website, since I knew he played baseball (facebook wasn't around yet - at least not at SBU - anyone remember when it was only available for certain universities?) I thought he was attractive, but I kinda had my eyes on another boy at the time, and Skyler seemed way out of my league. I didn't even dare to think about him as a possibility!
At some point that same year, I remember driving home from Springfield with my friend Dezi (Skyler's sister), and for some reason we had to pick Skyler up. He rode with us, and we all had a great conversation about this book he was reading. I remember thinking - Dang! Too bad this guy has a girlfriend! Later Dezi told me more about her brother. She loved her brother, and they had a really close relationship. She mentioned how disappointed she was that he was dating a girl who wasn't well-suited for him. Somehow he always seemed to go for girls that weren't quite as on fire, spiritually, as he was. She also said that she thought him and I would be perfect for one another! Waoh! Here I am learning about guarding my heart, and she throws this at me. Well, I tried not to think about it. Honestly, Skyler was two years older than me, a stud baseball player, and liked by just about everyone on campus! Plus, he had a girlfriend!
Life went on, and the following year I remember Skyler facebooking (yes I just made that a verb, and yes SBU got facebook my sophomore year!) me randomly. At this point I knew Skyler was just a nice guy. He wasn't trying to hit on me, but was just getting to know his sister's friend. Through several messages, I came to see Skyler as an older brother figure. We talked about messed up relationships, and our dreams, but mostly we talked about God. Skyler had a lot of insight, and at this point in my life I was growing spiritually by leaps and bounds! In January of that year, I went on a mission trip to Guatemala. I was talking with another Godly boy, and we were trying to decide if we should start dating. I knew this mission trip would give me some much needed time to think, pray, and really discern God's will. God definitely gave me a word, but it wasn't what I expected! After many many prayers, I remember God clearly bringing to my mind this thought -"He's Not Skyler!" Now, I won't say I heard this verbally, but I what I did hear definitely threw me back! I hadn't even really thought about Skyler like that! Him and I were just casual friends, with absolutely no romantic potential! This came out of no where! Well, actually it came from God!
Of course, when I returned to SBU, baseball season was starting up and I hardly ever saw or talked to Skyler. God obviously had not delivered the message to him! A few months with a slight crush, and I moved on . . . Skyler was way out of my league! I remember the end of that year He asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and some friends, and I turned him down. I knew there wasn't any interest there romantically, and I didn't want to fool my heart into thinking there was.
Recently, I went back and looked at our facebook messages from that year! Wow! Enlightening! All this time, I've looked at that year as not very significant as far as our relationship goes. However, when I look back at our conversations, and the fact that we were truly two people getting to be better friends, I think God was weaving his plan into our lives even then, without us knowing it. At least I didn't know it! Looking back now, I think - how could I have missed it! Then I realize - God was protecting my heart!
That summer after my sophomore year Skyler was playing baseball in New York, and I was a youth intern at my church back home. An old flame had mentioned still liking me, so I was slightly caught up in all that drama. I remember asking my parents how I was supposed to know it was the person God wanted me to be with. They said "you will just know"! Thanks a lot - that seemed to be no help at all! Then I would get text randomly from Skyler - sometimes verses, sometimes quotes. He knew I liked quotes, and so as an encouragement he sent them to me as well as his sister Dezi. By the end of the summer, I talked to Dezi about all the relationship junk, and she once again said "I'm saving you for my brother!" I got up the nerve to ask her if she ever mentioned this to him . . . she told me she had brought it up before. I was slightly mortified, but couldn't help, but think . . . Hmmmm could Skyler and I really have potential?
He continued to text me even into the following school year. We became pretty avid "texters"! In fact, at one point I got in deep trouble because I had run up the phone bill from texting so much! I had to pay my parents back, and Skyler offered to pay half. I told him he didn't need to, but then I found forty dollars in my mailbox! What a sweet guy! Not only that, but I was not allowed to text any more. I figured this would be the end of our conversations since we were so accustomed to communicating this way. Much to my surprise Skyler started calling me every now and then. He was such a great guy, and I was definitely developing a crush on him! I had hoped he liked me too!
Our friendship continued like this for a couple months. We would talk on the phone every now and then, hang out if our paths crossed, and I even got up the courage to ask him to come ballroom dancing with me for my birthday! Just when my friends and I were sure he was going to "ask me out", he invited me to come to the baseball team's black and white banquet "just as friends"! What? Had I misread all the signals? Did he like my personality, but simply wasn't attracted to me!? I didn't understand. That is when he gave me the book "Choosing God's Best". I read this book throughout the month of December. It wasn't my favorite book ever, and it wasn't a quick read. There were a lot of really great things in the book, but some of it was difficult to swallow! It completely went against the way I was used to doing relationships! Despite my attitude, I appreciated that Skyler gave me the book and I now knew where he was coming from. At the end of the month, we had a conversation and he explained his position even more clearly. He liked me, and he thought there could be potential for us to be together one day, but for now he truly wanted to get to know me better as a friend. After reading the book, I could actually understand where he was coming from. Skyler and I had become such great friends, and I was ok with continuing our friendship. I committed to not letting myself get ahead of him. I would follow his lead, and guard my heart until he changed the status of our friendship. This was really a step of faith. I knew that our relationship may very well never progress past friendship. I remember praying telling God that I was trusting him, and that if Skyler wasn't the one He had planned for me, it would HAVE to be someone pretty amazing because my standards were already raised to a whole new level! Skyler seemed perfect for me, but I trusted that God was in control!
Over the next several months our friendship grew. At times it was confusing. All of my friends were asking what the deal was, and a few of them even warned me that Skyler was "leading me on". I appreciated their concern, but I knew Skyler and I were on the same page. I struggled at times to guard my heart, but I found that it helped to ask myself this question: if nothing more ever came of our relationship, could our friendship continue? For the most part I could answer yes. Until we were fast approaching the end of the year. Skyler and I started spending much more time together, and I knew I was beginning to have feelings for him that were much stronger than merely friendship. At this point, I pulled myself back some. I would not answer my phone at times, or I would make our conversations brief. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him, but I knew I had to be more careful. It was at this point that Skyler let me know he was anticipating much more than friendship. After about a year and a half of casual friendship, and one more year of a more intentional friendship, God was finally showing us his plan! Skyler was finally able to share his heart, and let me know he saw me as much more than just a friend. We were best friends, on the verge of something so much more!
A few weeks after that, he invited me to his parents house, and he had planned a special "date". This was the first time we had ever gone out alone together. He was very creative, and he asked me to officially be his courtship partner! We both already knew it was simply a matter of time before we would be getting to marry our best friend! Both of us were committed, and we knew nothing could separate us because God was the one that brought us together!
I can't say that our courtship was perfect, nor will I say that our story is a model for every relationship. However, I do believe that when you let go, and give God charge over your life - including your love life - He will make it so much better than any fairytale!
So here is my version of Skyler and I's love/courtship story. I like this story, so excuse me while I write quite a lengthy post full of fun details!:
I first met Skyler in the computer lab at SBU, he came up and asked me if I was his sister's friend who twirled baton. This was a short conversation, but I gotta be honest . . . I went back and looked him up on the SBU website, since I knew he played baseball (facebook wasn't around yet - at least not at SBU - anyone remember when it was only available for certain universities?) I thought he was attractive, but I kinda had my eyes on another boy at the time, and Skyler seemed way out of my league. I didn't even dare to think about him as a possibility!
At some point that same year, I remember driving home from Springfield with my friend Dezi (Skyler's sister), and for some reason we had to pick Skyler up. He rode with us, and we all had a great conversation about this book he was reading. I remember thinking - Dang! Too bad this guy has a girlfriend! Later Dezi told me more about her brother. She loved her brother, and they had a really close relationship. She mentioned how disappointed she was that he was dating a girl who wasn't well-suited for him. Somehow he always seemed to go for girls that weren't quite as on fire, spiritually, as he was. She also said that she thought him and I would be perfect for one another! Waoh! Here I am learning about guarding my heart, and she throws this at me. Well, I tried not to think about it. Honestly, Skyler was two years older than me, a stud baseball player, and liked by just about everyone on campus! Plus, he had a girlfriend!
Life went on, and the following year I remember Skyler facebooking (yes I just made that a verb, and yes SBU got facebook my sophomore year!) me randomly. At this point I knew Skyler was just a nice guy. He wasn't trying to hit on me, but was just getting to know his sister's friend. Through several messages, I came to see Skyler as an older brother figure. We talked about messed up relationships, and our dreams, but mostly we talked about God. Skyler had a lot of insight, and at this point in my life I was growing spiritually by leaps and bounds! In January of that year, I went on a mission trip to Guatemala. I was talking with another Godly boy, and we were trying to decide if we should start dating. I knew this mission trip would give me some much needed time to think, pray, and really discern God's will. God definitely gave me a word, but it wasn't what I expected! After many many prayers, I remember God clearly bringing to my mind this thought -"He's Not Skyler!" Now, I won't say I heard this verbally, but I what I did hear definitely threw me back! I hadn't even really thought about Skyler like that! Him and I were just casual friends, with absolutely no romantic potential! This came out of no where! Well, actually it came from God!
Of course, when I returned to SBU, baseball season was starting up and I hardly ever saw or talked to Skyler. God obviously had not delivered the message to him! A few months with a slight crush, and I moved on . . . Skyler was way out of my league! I remember the end of that year He asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and some friends, and I turned him down. I knew there wasn't any interest there romantically, and I didn't want to fool my heart into thinking there was.
Recently, I went back and looked at our facebook messages from that year! Wow! Enlightening! All this time, I've looked at that year as not very significant as far as our relationship goes. However, when I look back at our conversations, and the fact that we were truly two people getting to be better friends, I think God was weaving his plan into our lives even then, without us knowing it. At least I didn't know it! Looking back now, I think - how could I have missed it! Then I realize - God was protecting my heart!
That summer after my sophomore year Skyler was playing baseball in New York, and I was a youth intern at my church back home. An old flame had mentioned still liking me, so I was slightly caught up in all that drama. I remember asking my parents how I was supposed to know it was the person God wanted me to be with. They said "you will just know"! Thanks a lot - that seemed to be no help at all! Then I would get text randomly from Skyler - sometimes verses, sometimes quotes. He knew I liked quotes, and so as an encouragement he sent them to me as well as his sister Dezi. By the end of the summer, I talked to Dezi about all the relationship junk, and she once again said "I'm saving you for my brother!" I got up the nerve to ask her if she ever mentioned this to him . . . she told me she had brought it up before. I was slightly mortified, but couldn't help, but think . . . Hmmmm could Skyler and I really have potential?
He continued to text me even into the following school year. We became pretty avid "texters"! In fact, at one point I got in deep trouble because I had run up the phone bill from texting so much! I had to pay my parents back, and Skyler offered to pay half. I told him he didn't need to, but then I found forty dollars in my mailbox! What a sweet guy! Not only that, but I was not allowed to text any more. I figured this would be the end of our conversations since we were so accustomed to communicating this way. Much to my surprise Skyler started calling me every now and then. He was such a great guy, and I was definitely developing a crush on him! I had hoped he liked me too!
Our friendship continued like this for a couple months. We would talk on the phone every now and then, hang out if our paths crossed, and I even got up the courage to ask him to come ballroom dancing with me for my birthday! Just when my friends and I were sure he was going to "ask me out", he invited me to come to the baseball team's black and white banquet "just as friends"! What? Had I misread all the signals? Did he like my personality, but simply wasn't attracted to me!? I didn't understand. That is when he gave me the book "Choosing God's Best". I read this book throughout the month of December. It wasn't my favorite book ever, and it wasn't a quick read. There were a lot of really great things in the book, but some of it was difficult to swallow! It completely went against the way I was used to doing relationships! Despite my attitude, I appreciated that Skyler gave me the book and I now knew where he was coming from. At the end of the month, we had a conversation and he explained his position even more clearly. He liked me, and he thought there could be potential for us to be together one day, but for now he truly wanted to get to know me better as a friend. After reading the book, I could actually understand where he was coming from. Skyler and I had become such great friends, and I was ok with continuing our friendship. I committed to not letting myself get ahead of him. I would follow his lead, and guard my heart until he changed the status of our friendship. This was really a step of faith. I knew that our relationship may very well never progress past friendship. I remember praying telling God that I was trusting him, and that if Skyler wasn't the one He had planned for me, it would HAVE to be someone pretty amazing because my standards were already raised to a whole new level! Skyler seemed perfect for me, but I trusted that God was in control!
Over the next several months our friendship grew. At times it was confusing. All of my friends were asking what the deal was, and a few of them even warned me that Skyler was "leading me on". I appreciated their concern, but I knew Skyler and I were on the same page. I struggled at times to guard my heart, but I found that it helped to ask myself this question: if nothing more ever came of our relationship, could our friendship continue? For the most part I could answer yes. Until we were fast approaching the end of the year. Skyler and I started spending much more time together, and I knew I was beginning to have feelings for him that were much stronger than merely friendship. At this point, I pulled myself back some. I would not answer my phone at times, or I would make our conversations brief. It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to him, but I knew I had to be more careful. It was at this point that Skyler let me know he was anticipating much more than friendship. After about a year and a half of casual friendship, and one more year of a more intentional friendship, God was finally showing us his plan! Skyler was finally able to share his heart, and let me know he saw me as much more than just a friend. We were best friends, on the verge of something so much more!
A few weeks after that, he invited me to his parents house, and he had planned a special "date". This was the first time we had ever gone out alone together. He was very creative, and he asked me to officially be his courtship partner! We both already knew it was simply a matter of time before we would be getting to marry our best friend! Both of us were committed, and we knew nothing could separate us because God was the one that brought us together!
I can't say that our courtship was perfect, nor will I say that our story is a model for every relationship. However, I do believe that when you let go, and give God charge over your life - including your love life - He will make it so much better than any fairytale!
