Why a homebirth is not for me . . .
Ok, first of all, I love the idea of having a midwife! I have often wished I could have a trustworthy lady with Godly wisdom, to support me throughout my pregnancy! However, I decided to go with an OB this time around . . . honestly this isn't the ideal situation for me right now. My OB, who is a pretty great gal, would only be delivering my baby if she happened to be "on call". There are three ladies in the practice, and one gentlemen who comes up from Texas sporadically. These are the only people who are allowed to deliver at the hospital (I really hoped getting a midwife would be an option, but for whatever reason it's not). Therefore, the chances of me getting my OB were really only 25% from the start. Unfortunately, my Dr. has had some pretty intense health issues herself this last month, thus she will be out for quite a while. Even though it is a rough situation, and disappointing since she is everyone's favorite . . . I am trying to see this as a blessing in disguise. Due to the situation at hand, I have been allowed to jump around between doctors. That means I am getting to know each of them, and when it comes time to deliver Kyria I will be familiar with whichever doctor is "on call"! So why not just hire a midwife, and do this whole thing at home? Well, perhaps it is because this is my first time and I am making a "rookie" mistake! Haha. Seriously though, I am pretty excited about the location at which Kyria will be born! The hospital we'll be at has a very family-supportive birthing center. We will have a room all to ourselves for the duration of our stay, and Kyria will get to be in the room with us at all times! The nursing staff is wonderful from what I've seen and heard, and everyone I've talked to says it is a great place to give birth! Not only this, but I really feel grossed out at the idea of trying to go through all of this at home. Call me high maintenance, but I want to be in a place other than our bedroom while giving birth, and I want there to be nurses to clean up after me, and I want a nice bathroom and shower (the birthing room has a huge private tub/shower!) that doesn't leave hard water stains! Also, since this is my first child, I like the security of being right there at the hospital in case of an emergency. So this is why Kyria will be born at the hospital . . .unless of course my birth experience is so easy Skyler must deliver her in our hard-water stained bathtub because I "didn't feel like it was bad enough to go to the hospital" (Definitely had a lady tell me this story about someone she knew! CrAzY!)
Why I haven't written a birth plan . . . yet, anyway . . .
After doing a little research, I really felt that writing up a birth plan would be a good idea! One of my friends did this, and I was super inspired to follow her lead! (You should definitely check out her birth plan, and birth story! It's pretty great!) After all, Skyler and I have had many conversations about how we would like this birth to go, and I've read so much about all the unnecessary, non-emergency procedures implemented during birth at a hospital. But then I heard/read about a hundred different birth stories, and I've decided it is really difficult to come up with a plan . . .because inevitably things will not go as we plan! In fact, I've come to the realization that I really have no control over this birth . . . that may sound silly at first - if I am not in control, who is? The doctor? No! The nurses? Nope! . . .The answer is God, and the way he has designed my body to work. When the time comes to give birth to Kyria, my body is going to do it's thing, and we are praying that God will allow us to have a healthy baby girl no matter what issues arise throughout the process of giving birth. So no, I haven't gotten around to writing up the birth plan. I may get around to it, but maybe I won't. Maybe it would be better to go into the whole situation with an open mind, and my expectations and trust relying solely on the Lord. I am praying, and I believe that He will be faithful in giving us the wisdom and discernment we need in each and every situation we face during this process! (NOTE: I have been talking a lot with my doctors, and it seems most of the things I would put in my birth plan are already the norm at this hospital's birthing center. I plan to speak to the nurses more this weekend at our prenatal class, and if necessary I will write out our preferences so that everyone will be on the same page! :)
Why I am open to the possibility of using pitocin, an epidural, etc. . . .
What!? Did I really just say that out loud! (Well, no, not technically. . .:)) Before some of you jump down to leave me harsh comments, hear me out . . .
Initially, I was pretty much against most of these seemingly unnecessary interventions. God designed women to give birth, and of course there will be lots of pain - we are guaranteed this in His Word. However, birth is not an illness, it is a natural process and with the right training I believe I can go through the process naturally. This of course would be better for the baby and me . . . right!? Uhhhh???? Now I'm not so sure . . . 1) I am sure with the proper training, giving birth naturally would be much easier. I am sure women of the past, who didn't have the option of epidurals or C-sections often delivered babies with great difficulty using only natural solutions. However, we live in a very different time. I can't say that I have had adequate training which will prepare me for the massive task that lies ahead. I've never seen anyone give birth, and I really don't know much about the whole process despite my meager attempts at research. I hope to learn more, but this time around I am pretty "green"! 2) Initially I thought epidurals must be much worse for the baby and myself than delivering naturally. It would seem epidurals are to blame for all sorts of problems . . . from slowing down labor, causing more tearing than necessary, not allowing the momma to have control of her body in order to push, to possibly causing serious life-long issues with her nervous system. But then I heard a whole slew of stories where an epidural actually helped speed up labor, and gave the momma more control of her body. Not only that, but my doctors testify that they actually have more tearing occur from women who do not get epidurals. Plus, unlike opting for drugs through an IV, which transfers to the baby, an epidural really doesn't cause issues for the baby. And, because epidurals have been around for awhile, and are used more frequently, the risk involved is quite minimal. I could share similar stories about the use of pitocin. 3) Although, I do believe natural is best if possible, I am not opposed to the possibility of using these other methods. I most definitely do not see this as a sin issue, and I am thankful that God has given us ways (such as delivery by cesarean section in an emergency situation, or the ability to save a baby that is born prematurely) to ensure that births result in healthy babies. That is really our motivation no matter what we decide to do during the birthing process. I am not motivated by proving how tough I am, or to show that going all-natural is the ONLY right way. I simply want what is best for our little baby! If that means getting an epidural or taking pitocin in certain situations, then I will be open to the possibility.
So there ya go . . . just a few thoughts I figured you might be interested in hearing. Also, I came to these conclusions after listening to the stories of many respectable Christian women who planned to give birth naturally or indeed did give birth naturally, but with major issues. I realize that it is easy to make blanket statements about how "giving birth naturally really isn't as bad as everyone says . . . you can do it!". I truly hope I can, and I hope that birth goes as smoothly for me as some of the stories I've heard! However, everyone is different, and each person will have a unique birth experience. It's not fair to look down on women who couldn't deliver as naturally as they hoped, or those who tried it natural once and will never go back. Like I mentioned before, I do not believe this is a sin issue. Each experience comes with a variety of challenges, and God will give us the grace to make it through . . . but that will look different for every woman.
What was your birth experience like!? We would love to hear from you, and gain insight from your unique situation! :)
I was so glad to have tripped across your blog sometime ago. We too are untraditional homesteaders.... I teach Jazzercise then go home to living the life on the homestead! Not what people in my class expect. As a mother to four little blessings, you have said it perfectly about your thoughts on labor and delivery. Give yourself grace as this is such an unknown time of excitement and anticipation! Keep that open mind, and it will be fabulous! I did by the way have four epidurhls.... phew!
ReplyDeleteHere are the links to my birth stories. It sound like we have very similar approaches to labor and delivery, so my experiences might be helpful!
ReplyDeletehttp://brandy-momonamission.blogspot.com/2012/04/jamesons-birth-story.html
http://brandy-momonamission.blogspot.com/2012/04/delaneys-birth-story.html
I think you have a wise attitude and outlook about the birth experience. Everyone is different. I certainly want to have a natural birth whenever God chooses to bless us with a pregnancy, but sometimes complications do happen. I would definitely use caution with the pitocin though, as it only makes your contractions longer, stronger, and more intense, thus necessitating the need for an epidural. Mother nature knows best when the time is right for the baby to come. Just use your best judgement. We are lucky where we live - UNC Hospital has their own midwifery unit, where the midwives deliver in the hospital and are with you through the entire labor process. I've heard the most wonderful things about them. And the the practice I go to my OBGYN works with UNC midwives, so you can just switch back and forth as you like because they work together as a team. Kind of the best of both worlds. Another thing- definitely do consider getting an epistiotomy because far too many women I know have had third degree tears that didn't get epistiotomies. Just something to consider. I pray all goes well with you and the most important thing is that healthy baby in the end!
ReplyDeleteI would definitely agree on the pitocin. I had to have one with both of mine because contractions weren't happening after my water broke. Though, if pitocin ends up being something you have to have, make sure your doctor knows that you want the birth to happen like natural labor. That is what they did the second time around and I was actually able to manage the contractions (unlike the first!)
Delete@ Brandy-I was totally going to leave links to your birth stories for Megan! :)
ReplyDeleteMegan-I don't think I have posted my birth stories on my blog yet (I think they are on facebook) but you know that I am definitely "pro all natural".
I don't know anyone who has gone all natural and regretted it later. You feel so much better afterwards because you can get up and move around and also the adrenaline rush is amazing.
I didn't have a "birth plan" because my doctor told me they would do whatever I wanted at the hospital but I am glad that Zach and I talked about what I wanted beforehand. I have fast labors (which I heard are way more intense than average length labors because your body is working twice as hard to get where it needs to be. I would compare it to running a mile at full sprint vs jogging/walking). So when I was in labor with Addie I was desperately asking for an epidural because I just didn't think I could do it any more. I did not have any faith in myself. Zach kept reminding me, kindly, that is not what I wanted (I have a fear of needles). Thankfully, because my labor progressed so quickly there wasn't enough time anyway. I was so happy afterwards. It's easy to get caught up in the pain and forget your goals. With my other two labors, an epidural never even crossed my mind because I knew, once I got to the point where I couldn't handle the pain any more, that it was almost over and that was enough for me to get through it. I felt more in control with my 2nd and 3rd labor because I knew what to expect.
Only one of our friends had had a baby before us and she had such a horrific experience that I was not well prepared for a normal, problem free delivery which is weird if you think about it! LOL I went in to labor scared to death which is probably why I felt so out of control.
If you haven't read Your Best Birth by Abby Epstein yet, you should. I wish I would have read it before giving birth to Addie.
Have you asked your mom how her labor and deliveries were? Most of the people I have talked to about it have had very similar stories to their mothers. My mom had a 6 hour labor with me, 2 hours with my brother and 45 minutes with my sister, all natural.
My labors were a little hard to tell when they started because of my freakishly high pain tolerance so I usually just count the time frame I was in pain for which puts them at being: 2 hours with Addie, 45 minutes with Mia and 10 minutes with Jack. :)
Oh, while I tore a little with Addie, it was because I didn't know the correct way to "push" (which if nobody has told you yet, send me a private message and I'll fill you in! LOL). I did not tear with the other two.
But if you are worried about tearing, you should look up Evening Primrose oil because it's awesome and doctor approved! It basically just helps "prep" the area. Seriously, google it and then ask your doctor about it.
OH! And one more thing! I had a hospital birth with a midwife with Jack and it was my best experience. I loved Sue and recommend her to everyone! She is the best!
Sorry for the novel! I am pretty passionate about labor and delivery! :)
Erica- I thought my birth stories pretty much showed the two different sides she is looking at- glad to see someone else agrees! And with the tearing, I actually had a lot of healing with Jameson because of my episiotomy (spelling???). With Delaney I naturally tore, but it was minimal since my body was doing everything and was making me stop pushing when I needed to. The only pain I had with her was really from the cramps that the breastfeeding caused (don't worry, Megan- you won't really have to worry about those until your second!)
DeleteAnd with the pushing, I found with my second that I didn't even think about the pushing because, since I could feel everything, my body was doing it. Megan, you need to do what is right for you, but I would really encourage you to consider going natural (or as natural as possible). It is an amazing experience to have your body do what God made it for.
And my last remark in my long-winded comment... I TOTALLY agree on having your hubby on board with what you want to do. It is so important that you are both informed and feel good about any decisions- yes it is your body, but it is his baby, too. With mine, it was great to have my husband there to remind me of what I wanted. He also knows me well enough that he knew when I had gotten to the point with my first that I couldn't go on without the epidural.
Yea! Thanks so much ladies for sharing these insightful, real-life, stories! I have been very encouraged by your words. As I mentioned in the post, it is definitely my desire to have a natural birth. I just don't want to get myself so worked up about the going natural that I become stubborn, and refuse to take the doctor/nurses advice. All of you have definitely helped me in discovering a few other things I would like to talk to them about! For instance - the use of pitocin, and my desire to have my contractions as normal as possible, and being allowed to wait until Kyria is ready to come as opposed to having my membranes stripped or having to be induced (although, I realize this might be necessary for certain situations!) I am hoping for a smooth labor like yours, Erica! In fact, as I wrote this post I was thinking about how I would like to be able to have a similar story as yours! I am not afraid of the pain, and I've been told I have a pretty high pain tolerance. I just realize things might not necessarily go as planned. As for my mom's birth . . . She had me without the use of an epidural, but with some other type of medicine towards the end (so far everyone I've talked to said the pain meds didn't really help much, and also the nurses told me the baby will receive some of the medicine - so I'm opting to bypass this). She said something similar to you . . . once the pain got really bad it was almost over! This is what I am hoping for, however, I have heard several stories of labor that stalled during the transition stage, and it became a pretty rough ordeal! So all that said . . . I am keeping an open mind, but I have definitely been encouraged by your all's wisdom and encouragement! Skyler and I will continue to discuss it, and pray about it! I think he will do a great job of helping me out - both pushing me to avoid unnecessary interventions, while at the same time recognizing when these things might be necessary! Thanks again everyone for the wonderful comments! :)
ReplyDeleteAFG,
Megan
I agree with your idea about having not having your first baby at home. You never know how your body is going to tolerate labor and delivery until it happens. I think not having expectations helps to not be disappointed if everything doesn't go "as planned". As long as everyone is healthy, the day you hold your baby in your arms for the first time it won't matter who delivered her, where you are, or with what methods you used to get her here, it will be a special day.
ReplyDeleteJust go with what you and your husband are at peace with. No need to explain why because this is your birth and no one else's. My birth experience was COMPLETELY OPPOSITE of what I wanted, but I have a beautiful and healthy baby boy which is all that is important. God will work it out for you and your sweet baby!
ReplyDeleteI think we have fairly similar thoughts on birth- though you're a lot closer to delivering (I'm only 11 weeks along). My husband & I have talked about this quite a bit as we're trying to decide between using an OB or a midwife. Luckily, hospitals in our area allow both.
ReplyDeleteI think we've mostly decided on a midwife, but we still want to talk to her first. I like the idea of natural, but think if there are complications, that modern medicine is a wonderful thing, so we'll probably play it by ear.
By the way, have you considered a doula? Someone who's there to help/coach you during pregnancy & labor? My sister-in-law used one & it was very helpful during pregnancy. I can't say how helpful it would have been during labor, since my sister-in-law delivered six weeks early & the doula was out of town (how does a person plan for that!).
I really enjoyed this post. My biggest concern with a hospital delivery is that the hospital will not respect my wishes not to vaccinate my child. Also I'm not keen on having my child exposed to all the different diseases that a hospital has to offer, before their immune system is strong enough.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny Azurehill, because I feel the same way now. Ten years ago, back when I had my first baby in the hospital, I remember being afraid of unwanted interventions being pushed during labor (didn't happen), but the hospital I birthed at did not vaccinate baby or mom at the hospital (and back then we vaccinated anyway so it didn't bother me much either way whether they did or not). Now, over ten years later (and five homebirths later) hospitals in general have changed so much regarding to labor and delivery, at least in my area, that I wouldn't be afraid at all that my wishes wouldn't be respected for an unmedicated birth, but I would be VERY afraid of baby being vaccinated against my wishes now, nor will I accept any vaccines for myself. My second child is vaccine injured, we are now completely vaccine-free and NOTHING will make me go back. Some medical professionals I have run across are respectful, others, even after hearing all the horror my child has experienced, are rude and disrespectful and will not drop the subject without getting their little digs in. I know of several people who refused the Hep B for their baby and the nurses accidently gave it anyway. With our family history, that terrifies me that such a mistake can be made so easily. So I guess years later in spite of changes hospitals have made in regards to birth, they still make me very uneasy and I still avoid them while birthing, but for different reasons now. Ironic, huh? (Same anonymous as below)
DeleteIt is so easy to feel pressured to make decisions based on what others have determined is best, so good for you that you are taking the time to prayerfully determine what is best for your own family! I think the biggest advantage I had from writing up a birth plan was that it made really research all the options so when we were forced to make tough choices we were able to make very informed decisions. Like you, most of what we wanted was in line with our doctor's "normal" - something that was incredibly comforting going into labor!
ReplyDeleteOne other thing I didn't mention in my birth story (because I forgot if you can believe that!)... I did have a very small episiotomy. It may be that I could have done without it, but honestly I can't say I regret it. I also had another small tear (small enough that it did not require stitches at all). The healing process has not been bad at all for me even with a couple stitches.
We will certainly be praying for you and Skyler as you prepare to meet your daughter!
Thanks so much for the comments ladies! Also, just to clarify . . . even though I haven't written a birth plan yet, I am almost certain that I will go ahead and write something up, so the doctors and nurses have in writing our thoughts, and as Danielle (Studio614) said - so that I will be prepared when tough choices must be made. I am so thankful to have so many encouraging friends who have offered such helpful advice!
ReplyDeleteAFG,
Megan
If you do want to go natural and be at a hospital I definitely recommend a doula or taking a natural childbirth class like bradley. they have the cards stacked against you - no matter how good your doctor is - they won't be with you that much, trust me. I felt the way you did and birthed my first four babies at the hospital - complete with forceps, episiotomies, stitches, the whole nine yards minus c-section. My homebirth though when I finally chose it was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful...
ReplyDeleteI sometimes photograph births in the hospital. I've seen women labor naturally for hours with little progression, get epidurals, and then dilate the rest of the way. All of them have had successful breastfeeding relationships, too.
ReplyDeleteThe most recent was a girl starting labor at 2cm, laboring naturally for twelve hours, and dilating only one more cm. She got an epidural and she was ready to push five hours later.
Homebirth advocates seem to fear monger a lot about the "interventions" but I have only ever seen benefits from them, in my experience.
It's also important to acknowledge that sometimes the Lord wants to work through His doctors and health care providers.
Best wishes to you!
you might consider a doula, it is well worth the $. At least interview a few.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on what you define as "open-minded". If by "open-minded" you mean knowing when intervention is needed, TRULY needed for the safety of you or your baby and being willing to accept it, that is good. However if you go in with an open mind regarding the pain, especially if it is your first baby, then you probably WILL end up with an epidural, because it DOES get THAT bad, especially at the end. I am not trying to be cynical, but natural birth is HARD, even in a hospital geared towards that option. I had a natural birth in the hospital with my first baby, but I hired a doula, and kept a very CLOSED mind when it came to meds, otherwise I would have given in before I started pushing. I told the nurses they were not allowed to offer me medication, that I knew it was available and I'd tell them when I had enough, but not to push it themselves. I highly recommend a doula, my husband was a good advocate, but when it comes to a long labor, it helps immensely to have an extra support person who is not as emotionally attached to you as your husband. In regards to your doctors saying they see more tears in women without epidurals, I'd like to see the science to back this up. I've had six natural births at this point and only had tearing with the first three and none of the tears were extensive, four stitches is the most I've ever had and that was with number two. The last three babies I did not tear at all. There ARE some good medical reasons to get an epidural (a stalled labor that just won't budge and an exhausted mom, like the example Melisa gave above), but a reduced risk of tearing is not one of them. Also, in regards to episiotomies, all the research says you are more likely to have an extensive third degree tear WITH an episiotomy and many doctors do not even do them anymore as they have been shown to not really prevent much of anything. When you talk to your doctor about how often he does them, get percentage points, NOT "I only do them when necessary". There are still some old school doctors who have an "every first time mom needs one" mentality. I pushed for three hours with my first baby and did not have one and had a small tear with one stitch. I had a very patient CNM who rarely did them, though, only if the baby was in distress and an immediate delivery was necessary.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the argument of interventions being beneficial, yes, they can be, but I also see how they can easily cause problems. For example, my latest labor I had my membranes stripped at a week overdue and I really wish I hadn't (it was totally my choice, I was not pressured at all by the midwives) and I ended up with my water breaking a few hours later, but it was a high leak and labor just wouldn't kick in on it's own. I ended up staying up all night walking the stairs trying to get it going, getting two bags of antibiotics that I hoped to avoid, and having my water manually broken to get him born and it was twelve hours after it initially broke. I know if I had said no to having my membranes stripped and given things a few more days, we wouldn't have had all the problems we did; with my other children my water never broke until the very end. Mind you, this latest birth was a homebirth, yet it had more interventions than my first hospital birth over a decade ago, so yet another moral to this story - just because it is a hospital birth doesn't mean it will be filled with interventions and just because it is a homebirth doesn't mean it will be intervention-free. I have no regrets over the decisions I made during my one hospital birth and my other four homebirths, but I deeply regret the one unnecessary intervention I allowed at this latest homebirth.
I found this post really interesting and can very well relate. For my first birth, I considered a home birth, but not ever going through labor, not know how my body would react, I didn't feel that was right for me. We did the traditional hospital. I had the epidural, and episiotomy. Natalie was born on a holiday (due Christmas, came on New Years Day) so we had an OB on call. My blood pressure is normally low (safe, but lower). A side effect of the epi is your BP going down. That happened with me, and with my already low BP, it was not cool. They basically had to give me two shots of adrenaline to try to get my blood pressure up, oxygen, etc. The epi wore off 2 hours before pushing so I felt EVERYTHING. The Dr. gave me a stage four episiotomy (biggest one you can get) with out numbing me first. (her cutting me was the worst pain of the whole birth) Anyways, I had a lot of bad experiences due to the "interventions". The birth itself was fine, I didn't bleed too much etc. Because of that, I have opted for a homebirth (due in July). We love our midwife and know 100% this is what God wants for us right now. Women need to look in to all their options. (we had a birth plan at the hospital, I swear I saw the nurses roll their eyes) Research and make an informed choice (which I think you are). Women that choose a hospital birth, epidural, c-section, etc....are not any less of a woman! The goal in any child birth is healthy mama, healthy baby!!!
ReplyDelete